SHOW AND TELL – MY TESTIMONY

Hilary Hall

Midland SDA Church

January 30, 2021

As I was thinking about sharing my testimony for the first time, I wondered what is a testimony, why do we like hearing testimonies and how can I best honor Jesus through sharing some dark times in my life. I love to listen to other people’s personal testimonies – not necessarily all of the dark parts before they knew Jesus. but more of the highlights like what kind of spiritual questions were they asking at the time or how did God work miracles in their life. And I do love it when people talk about what God is doing in their life at the present time. We should share our testimonies more often and be vulnerable and transparent.

I did a quick search to find scripture texts that talk about testimonies and sharing what the Lord has done in our lives. There were many verses but I narrowed it down to my two favorites.

1 Peter 3:15 says, “But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts, and always be ready to give a defense to everyone who asks you a reason for the hope that is in you, with meekness and fear; having a good conscience, that when they defame you as evildoers, those who revile your good conduct in Christ may be ashamed.”

The other Bible text I liked was found in Mark 5:19 when a demon-possessed man was healed by Jesus. The man begged Jesus to let him follow Him. Jesus responds to him and says,

“Go home to your friends, and tell them what great things the Lord has done for you, and how He has had compassion on you.” (Mark 5:19)

The man left Jesus and did as Jesus told him. He went back to the people who knew him before he was healed, so that they could see the change within him. The Bible says in Mark 5:20 that they “all marveled”.

I love to look up definitions of words. The English language is so complex and just a simple word can resonate with you when you expound and reflect on it. I looked up the word marvel and good old Merriam Webster says it means to be “filled with intense surprise, wonder, or amazed curiousity”. When the people in Decapolis saw how Jesus healed the demon-possessed man, they marveled. The man didn’t have to bring anything but himself for others to see what the Lord had done. I imagine him walking back to his town, upright, sober-minded, with great balance and bright eyes and people took one look and saw the change in him and maybe then, he shared what the Lord had done. And I bet some of those who marveled, made decisions for Christ.

Testimonies are a way to show and tell miracles of the Lord, when the time is right. We don’t bring our favorite old toy, a nice showy dress or our fancy Ferrari to brag about to our friends. We bring our hearts and minds to show people through words, with meekness and fear the hope that we have. Now, I’m not sure if you’ll marvel at what I’m about to share of my personal testimony, but my prayer is that you entertain the idea that no matter what your background is, the Lord can work with what you’ve got. I pray that we all marvel at the goodness of Jesus, that my story will be hidden behind the cross and that you will reflect upon Him.

I’ve prayed, asking God how to share some sensitive and personal stories about my journey with Christ. There is no perfect way to share these things. I couldn’t possibly tell you every detail of my experiences, nor should I. I chose to highlight some moments that were memorable in my transformation from non-belief to love and obedience in Christ.

Many of our church members know me, but for those who don’t, I will share a little about myself. I grew up in Saginaw, Michigan an only child with a loving mom and dad. They were fairly protective and taught me to be polite and kind to others. My dad worked in the home improvement business and my mom a dental hygienist. I attended public schools from elementary through high school. I knew very few kids and families who spoke of Christianity or Jesus. It was rare that my family and I went to church; maybe once or twice a year on holidays. But close to the time when I attended junior high school, a few family members began telling me more about Jesus, giving me Christian CDs and Christian books as gifts and I saw their lives transforming in a peculiar way. After a few years and probably many prayers of my family, I chose to become a Christian my senior year of high school. I got involved with a small group of Christian girls at a large Baptist Church in Saginaw. These senior girls and I were faithful to God and faithful to meet on a weekly basis to study the Bible. When our Bible study was done, we enjoyed talking about all the things girls discussed at that time: shopping, future college plans and boys. I was baptized in a hot tub with this group of friends when we all traveled to Texas for a senior trip with our youth pastor and his family.

After I graduated high school, I attended Saginaw Valley State University studying Education as my major. In 2001, I moved to Grand Rapids, following a boy even though I felt the Lord very clearly telling me not to. I changed my major from Education to Business when I transferred to Cornerstone University in Grand Rapids. I struggled and cried through my business degree; accounting and microeconomics were not my friend. I got myself into heavy debt pursuing an image that simply was not me. I bought a house that I could not afford long term on my income. While in college, I landed an amazing job as a Marketing Assistant and Events Coordinator at the Grand Rapids Press. I led worship on Sundays at another large church in West Michigan. I started playing in a secular band during the weekdays where we would perform at bars and events in the West Michigan area. While attending a Nazarene Church, I met a famous bass player from a 90s band and recorded a demo of my original songs under our band name, The Stellars.

On the outside, my life looked pretty swell and spectacular from the worlds point of view. But my failing marriage caused a lot of emotional pain that led to a short period of alcohol addiction and self-destruction, trying to numb that pain. I have two scars from tattoo removals that remind me of that dark time in my life. I felt the weight and burden of disobedience to God. My emotional pain became a 10 on a scale of 0-10 and all of my homemade “remedies” – boys, drinking, spending money, image, popularity and music would not heal the pain anymore.

In 2004, my first marriage ended and during the span of two years I found myself living a pretty sad life, trying to look good on the outside but hiding my embarrassment and sadness. For two years, I spent more money than I made at the Grand Rapids Press on clothing, restaurants, traveling and parties. I lived an unhealthy lifestyle and was involved in unhealthy relationships with many people who weren’t the best friends or influence on me, nor I to them. Some of the good friends I made at the Nazarene church deeply cared for me, but I pushed them aside as I pursued a dark and selfish path.

My breaking point, so to speak came the spring of 2006. A male coworker who had previously just been a friendly acquaintance started harassing me both at work and outside of work with disturbing phone calls and lingering around my house or places I would be. After a meeting with the HR department, my manager and this coworker, he was told to leave me alone or there would be further punitive actions taken. I was so frightened and shaken by this ordeal that I stopped eating and drinking for a few days and didn’t even realize it. Meanwhile, I had planned a trip to Vermont to visit a friend and when I arrived, I started feeling strange; terrified and hallucinating due to this fear that had overtaken me. At my request, my friend took me to the hospital where I stayed for three days trying to recover physically and gain an understanding of my reality again. In a nutshell, I guess you could say I had a mental breakdown.

After I returned to Grand Rapids from Vermont, I found myself lying on a futon in the basement of my friend Kelly’s house, scared to go to back to my home in the city. Kelly’s home was a safe place in a suburban subdivision. I was away from the clubs and noisy city where I could reflect on my experience in Vermont and specifically, how far I had wandered away from the Lord. I had no one left to turn to who could give me answers and healing except for God. I surrendered to Jesus all that had been in my life up to that point. Before I went to sleep, I prayed and talked to God and begged Him to help me get out of the mess I was in. I went to sleep that night and had a dream that I’ll share with you all; a dream I’ve only shared with Nathan and a few close people.

In my dream, I was in the ocean swimming and surrounded by my friends and family who were enjoying the water. A large wave formed in the far distance but moved closer to the shore climbing higher and higher – a surfers dream wave. But, I was terrified in my dream as I looked at my friends and family and anxiously anticipated our fate. This was a tsunami that could not be stopped and we would all perish. I could not in my humanity stop this tsunami, so I turned with my back to the wave and my face to the shore, closed my eyes and said “Lord help me”. Seconds later the tsunami hit but felt like a gentle nudge to the shore. I looked around and my family and friends were spared as well. Then, I woke up.

This dream meant something and I couldn’t put my finger on it. But I know the angst and frustration Nebuchadnezzar felt as he woke from a dream that meant something and he couldn’t put his finger on it. Knowing that the Lord is trying to say something and not being able to hear the spiritual message is agonizing and I was desperate to understand when I woke from this dream.

Before I even left the futon, I opened my flip phone and checked my email as I normally did in my morning routine. The first email was a daily devotion that I had subscribed to and because of my dream I read it, searching for some kind of answer as to what my dream meant.

The devotion began with Isaiah 43:2 and said,

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.”

I was so intrigued and curious that I went to the Bible and read the rest of Isaiah 43. Isaiah starts with,

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by your name; You are Mine.”

And then heading down to Isaiah 43:12, God says,

“I have declared and saved, I have proclaimed, And there was no foreign god among you; therefore you are My witnesses, Says the Lord, that I am God.”

Now, I knew enough about the Bible to be dangerous back then. I had read and studied a lot of the Bible in college and through church Bible studies which I attended, but in hindsight probably took the scriptures out of the proper context, unintentionally. But, this was simple and if you’ve been studying this quarters Sabbath School lesson, you are learning that Isaiah was meant for Israel, but also meant for us too.

Let me take a moment to tell you a little about and how this book moved me to obey and listen to God. And I hope that if you haven’t started this quarterly that you go grab it in our library today. Better late than never. Does anyone else pick up the Sabbath School quarterly and quickly turn to the first introduction to see who wrote the quarterly? Okay, just me?!?! Don’t miss the intros – they are gripping. I was thrilled to see that this quarterly on Isaiah was written by a family friend and professor at Andrews University. I admit that I don’t usually study the Sabbath School quarterly but because it was written by someone I know, about the book of Isaiah, it has inspired me to participate with the rest of the world church this quarter and dive back into Isaiah. Dr. Roy Gane writes in his introduction to the book of Isaiah about how the people of Judah or the chosen people were sinking deeper into “moral weakness” with greed, vanity and pride. In a nutshell, this was ME! I couldn’t have said it better, but Gane continues explaining that Isaiah in his writings is wanting to “preserve his nation’s identity by taking a remnant from a state of denial and anchoring them to reality” and in summary, Isaiah would call upon them to behold their Holy God, the Creator who knew them intimately. God would redeem them from fire if only they would listen and obey.

If I could insert an emoticon right now it would be the mind-blown one. This is the age old-story of us people! We are in a state of denial about who we are, the choices we make, the selfishness, greed, vanity, hypocrisy and I could go on and on and on about our filth, about MY filth. Taken from my husband’s sermon last Sabbath and from the Bible we are “poor, blind and naked”. BUT…I thought that I looked pretty good decked out in my thrift store clothing to fit the part of the Indie Christian Rockstar and again looked like, as Daniel Goodin said a few weeks ago “Mr. Potato Head”. And when I finally saw clearly, I realized how pitiful I was without the Lord and how patient, merciful, loving and amazing He is to me.

The night before my breakthrough with the Lord, I went to bed ashamed and fearful with no hope. And the next day woke up with a clearer vision of my reality. I intimately understood God saying not in an audible voice but in my heart, “Fear not: for I have redeemed thee, I have called thee by thy name; thou art mine” (Isaiah 43:1). Where shame and guilt had wreaked havoc, beholding and claiming God brought life and hope back to my soul. God was beginning to unveil and show me His truth. He was calling me out of Egypt, confusion and darkness.

I continued my job at the Grand Rapids Press, going to work daily but struggling financially to pay the mortgage on my home, finish paying for my business degree at an expensive private school, struggling to pass microeconomics which I had failed once before and struggling to leave some unhealthy relationships behind. These seemed like tsunami’s to me and something that would cause me to drown. But God was clearly speaking to me and I could no longer deny His power to break the wave of that tsunami in my life, if only I would trust and obey the Lord.

I started searching for Him by attending different denominational churches and even a Jewish synagogue with some Jewish friends. I never left the thought of Jesus though because I knew He made bold claims about who He was and I believed in the work he had started in me a long time ago when I first became a Christian.

As I was on my quest to learn more truth about God, an old friend of mine at The Grand Rapids Press asked me to do a Bible study with her. She was an old roommate but we parted ways when she wasn’t paying rent and was acting strange after attending an evangelistic series in which she responded through a flyer we got in the mail. And I thought she had completely lost her marbles. A few times, I even remember Pastor Mark Howard and a group of Adventists studying the Bible at my house, but I would retreat to my bedroom to avoid those people that thought they knew more about the Bible than I did.

After evicting her, this ex-roommate and I continued to work at the Press together – she in advertising and me in marketing. We would pass each other in the hallway and turn our heads. Once in a while we had to communicate because we both led school tours through the Press. After about a year of being disconnected, we both seemed to be having a change of heart and almost simultaneously reached out to one another. We met for sushi downtown and reconnected as friends. She seemed to have changed as well. It was good and therapeutic for both of us to reconnect.

As I told her all of the stresses happening in my life, she seemed to have some kind of answer for my questions and fears and asked if I would like to study the Bible with her. I agreed to meet for breakfast each week and go over a study together of what Seventh-day Adventists believed to be the foundational truths of the Bible. Soon, I started meeting with others who were studying Adventist beliefs as well. Eventually, another evangelistic series came around to a small church called Resurrection Promises Hope SDA Church which is now Kentwood Seventh-day Adventist Church, south of Grand Rapids. I met Pastor Mark Howard more officially as he was the Pastor of the church hosting the seminars. Chad and Fadia Kreuzer were Bible workers who were leading the health seminar and evangelistic meetings at the time. If you don’t know these names, look up “Health and Homestead” on YouTube and find more blessings as the Kreuzer’s have expanded their ministry and now create beautiful video presentations and documentaries.

I attended the meetings and began deeper studies about Adventist beliefs and baptism with Pastor Howard. I still had a nagging question about something in my life that may seem ridiculous to others and even does to me looking back. I asked Pastor Howard why God had allowed me to go through with a previous marriage when I was a Christian and why He didn’t help me to have the courage to leave the relationship. Pastor Howard explained to me that he thought God had allowed me to make my own decision so that I could see when I choose not to follow Him that it can lead to unhappiness and destruction. After this conversation with Pastor Howard a burden was lifted and I could see God as loving and patient with me even though I chose to disobey and not heed His warnings.

At the same time as all of these changes were taking place and I was studying the Bible again, I had a few Jewish friends who intrigued me. I would ask them questions about their beliefs and their responses seemed more about traditions, culture and family. I continued studying Adventist theology, with my Jewish friends in mind and was thinking about the life of Jesus as a Jew and what that would have meant to His life and His relationship with the Father.

I found the answer to my questions when I learned about the Sabbath and the Sanctuary. And this truth and teachings resonated with me how God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit were together in the beginning and collaborated when creating the world. The New Testament Jesus was involved in the Creation story and the Sabbath at the beginning. Jesus was woven throughout the Old Testament Sanctuary and sacrifice. Jesus was within the Ten Commandments and said that we could show Him our love by keeping those commandments. One of those Commandments which was the Sabbath, a day to rest and reflect on God’s hand in the making of our human lives. And even after Jesus came to earth, He still regarded and kept the seventh-day Sabbath. Then, after he died for our sins as the prophesied sacrificial lamb, He fulfilled once and for all the payment of our sins, but did not do away with the commandments of the Old Testament rather He showed us how we should live out our lives striving for relationship with Him within those commandments. And even further, how we are to remember the Sabbath during the end of time and in Heaven. I’ll stop there with all of the Bible recap, but my curiosity about the Jewish people was important in completing some missing pieces that would strengthen my trust in the Bible and Jesus. I couldn’t understand macroeconomics but I was surely getting the bigger picture of what the Lord had to tell me.

Back to the evangelistic meetings which I was attending, somewhere in the middle of a three-week nightly series, I became overwhelmed. Pastor Howard has reminded me a few times of one night how I sprinted out of the meeting when it was over. He always laughs because apparently the topic that night wasn’t even anything controversial. But whatever was going on inside of my heart at the time felt like a great controversy and it overwhelmed me.

I can confirm that I did walk very fast out of that meeting with a deep desire to cry and have a moment alone. Pastor Howard must have noticed me bolting and he ran out behind me saying “Hilary, wait!” If I recall correctly, he noticed something in my body language that communicated I was not okay and he wanted to make sure that I knew he was a friend and he was happy I was at the meetings. I don’t know what would have happened had he not run out to catch me that night. Maybe I wouldn’t have known how important I was to God and how close I was to the edge of either walking away from Christianity forever or finally making that decision for Christ, once and for all.

What happened after Pastor Howard called out “Hilary, wait!” was a softening of my heart and a turning toward God as I suddenly saw that Pastor Howard was just an earthly example of a Heavenly Father who had been chasing after me. God had been wooing me for a long time back to Him and the enemy’s seduction no longer had a hold on my heart. After that experience with Pastor Howard and God, I started studying to become a Seventh-day Adventist Christian.

There is a song called Painting Pictures of Egypt by Sarah Groves that I listened to a lot during that time. The chorus says “I’ve been painting pictures of Egypt and leaving out what it lacks. The future feels so hard and I wanna go back. But the places that used to fit me, cannot hold the things I’ve learned. Those roads were closed off to me, while my back was turned.” This song resonated with me at the time. I was learning too much truth about the Bible that I never knew before. While I was studying the Bible, turned toward God, the roads back to Egypt where I had experienced so much pain and sin were closed off. I couldn’t go back to that because now, I knew too much about God.

After much deliberation, I was baptized in April of 2006. I wasn’t perfect when I was baptized. If I had waited for perfection, I would have never taken that pivotal step. But I believed the truths of the Adventist church and wanted to continue learning about God with the people of this church.

After about a year after my baptism, I headed to our family cabin in Lewiston, Michigan by myself for a weekend. At our cabin, deep in the woods where I could disconnect from technology, I took some time to reflect on all of the miracles that God had done. I wrote these miracles down to remember them, as my Ebenezer stones. I learned about Ebenezer’s stone from the song Come Thy Fount of Every Blessing and studied out what it meant. Ebenezer was a location of a battle between the Israelites and Philistines. It’s first mentioned as a place where the Philistines defeat the Israelites. God allowed the Israelites to be defeated because of their disobedience. However, the second time that Ebenezer stone is mentioned is found in 1 Samuel 7:2-14 when the Israelites finally get back on track with God and God helps them defeat the Philistines. Samuel offers a sacrifice, placing a stone as a memorial of what the Lord had done for them when they were obedient. When they would see this place, they would remember that the Lord was victorious in their lives.

So during this weekend at the cabin, I wrote down the tsunami’s in my life that at one time looked as though they would defeat me. Here are MY “Ebenezer stones”. The Lord preserved my life through a very deep and dark depression and mental health crisis. He helped me to quickly sell the home I couldn’t afford. He helped me to pass macroeconomics on my second try. He helped me to begin a plan of paying off my financial debt. He helped me to find an even better paying job with more stability after the Press was letting people go at a rapid pace during a time when customers were turning to the Internet for their news. He helped me to end some relationships that were not good friendships and influences on my spiritual life. He helped me repair relationships that I had ruined. These were very big miracles in my life and God honored my obedience to Him, showing me that when I was at my weakest, He was strong.

I have been a Seventh-day Adventist Christian for almost 14 years now. A lot has happened in 14 years and my journey has not always been easy. I’ll save some other miracles for another sermon if I am ever asked.

Here are some things that I do frequently to continue growing closer to God. Not that I’m an expert by any means but I pray and read the Bible often. I pray throughout the day, without ceasing. I surround myself with a good Christian support system in my family and friends. I listen and observe what the Lord is doing in your lives and I take them into consideration and challenge myself when I come up short. I allow the Lord to rebuke me because in Hebrews 12:6 it says,

“For whom the Lord loves He chastens, And scourges every son whom He receives”

And in Proverbs 3:12, Solomon writes,

“For whom the Lord loves He corrects, Just as a father the son in whom he delights.”

More recently, I have learned to repent often and especially when I feel that knot of shame in my heart. There was a time in my life when I thought I knew everything and had all the answers, but I knew nothing. It’s important to confess our sins and repent while allowing the Lord to work within us. I have seen so many changes, even in the past six months of my life, by making this an important part of my relationship with Jesus.

I encourage each of you to turn toward the Lord, in whatever you have been resisting Him on. Allow Him to work in your life. Proclaim the miracles He has done and tell others about them, especially during this time when we can all see trouble brewing on this earth and the contractions and pains of labor getting closer, we can encourage each other in our faith with how the Lord is gently moving us to the shore of a peaceful Heaven if we have followed Him and believe in Christ, trusting and obeying. And as we face the tribulations at the end of time, we can carry our testimonies, our Ebenezer stones and the Word of God in our hearts to help get us through.

SHOW AND TELL – CHILDRENS STORY

Happy Sabbath boys and girls! Have you ever heard of Show and Tell? Well, when I was in kindergarten, we had a special day when one of the students would get to bring something for Show and Tell. Most kids picked out their favorite toy. For the boys it was usually something like a big truck that they liked to crash into things or maybe it was an action figure that he liked to pretend would fight all of the bad guys. I don’t remember what I brought for kindergarten show and tell but my guess is that it was a Barbie, because that was my jam back then.

Well, today I brought something for Show and Tell. This is my doll Kirsten, and I got her when I was probably around eight years old. I got her for Christmas one year from my mom and dad. She’s called an American Girl doll. American Girl dolls come with books that tell about how they came from one country to America. Kirsten’s story begins in Sweden and she travels on a long boat ride with her family to America.

I’ve had this doll for so long now and when my mom gave her to me after finding her in storage, Kirsten had some scratches on her face and her hair was a mess. It was sad looking at her so I sent her off to the American Girl doll hospital where they fixed her up for me. Kirsten was mailed back with a cute hospital gown, bracelet and a balloon and her hair and face looked brand new – no scratches and her hair looked like it was styled at an expensive salon.

Mr. Nathan decided to surprise me one time and he found all of Kirsten’s outfits that he could possibly buy on Ebay, a shopping website and he gave me about 15 outfits for my special doll. Now, every couple of months, Evie and I change her outfit for seasons or special holidays.

I tell you about my doll Kirsten because when we have something special, it’s fun to show other people and tell them about it. Would you believe that God is doing very special things in each of your hearts as you grow and learn about Him. Maybe he healed you when you were sick or comforted you with a special Bible verse when you were sad. And those experiences with God are special. He wants you to show and tell others what He has done in your heart. Today, I’m going to be showing and telling about how God changed my life and how I became an Adventist Christian. Thank you for listening to my Show and Tell about my American Girl doll Kirsten. I’d like to pray for you all that you would stay close to God.